A draft revisited: what modern day feminists are missing out on.

(This is months old but I thought I’d get it done!)

I don’t claim to be a feminist and I’m not writing this to create any form of conversation regarding the topic. What I do want to prompt, however, is a conversation about women.

I have seen many women fight their way through conversations about how we are undervalued by men and oppressed in society. I have witnessed fantastic debates and I can honestly say that I’m incredibly grateful that, despite living in a broken world, we are progressing to the point where women are being enabled and liberated. What’s more, the western world is helping everyone else catch up. Whether we see the day of equality in this life or in heaven, I believe that God created women with purpose and great care. We are awesome!

This is my one issue: why are we not fighting for women to value themselves as beautiful, untouchable temples that cannot be won by cheap thrills, lust, objectification and the ‘smash and dash’ or ‘hit and split’ culture? It seems that we’re getting very frustrated about the way men can treat women but when does the responsibility fall upon us? Do we ever consider how we present ourselves and the standards that we set?

Hear me right. I’m not talking about the disgusting, vile, dominating behaviour that both men and women demonstrate. I know that it comes from both parties. I will never accept that rape, abuse and unwanted sexual attention is warranted or deserved.

I’m referring to the daily behaviours that plague or society and lead to unhealthy relationships and unhealthy views of ourselves.

This quote from Lisa Bevere perfectly summarises my longing for women to fight their own corner. I’m not talking about an independent battle. I want to take on — and please join me — the wonderful responsibility of nurturing young women into precious, fierce warriors. To me, a woman who knows her true worth is unstoppable.

The question is, what is our worth? There are loads of scriptures, inspirational sermons and quotes I could turn to but this one is rather powerful:

Proverbs 3: 15–18

She’s worth far more than money in the bank;
her friendship is better than a big salary.
Her value exceeds all the trappings of wealth;
nothing you could wish for holds a candle to her.
With one hand she gives long life,
with the other she confers recognition.
Her manner is beautiful,
her life wonderfully complete.

When I was a late teen, I remember a young man (now my husband) saying that other boys saw me as untouchable. To some, I may have seemed appealing but I wouldn’t let anyone taint me with even so much as a grubby fingerprint (in the physical, emotional, spiritual senses) unless I had really thought about it. Why? Was I just a naive, frigid, unemotional, spiritually intense, uptight individual? No. What motivated me to protect my heart, my spirit and my body was the knowledge that I am wonderfully made by my Creator and nothing can come between Him and I unless they too are in Him. So I waited, guarded my heart, and met the man I’ve chosen to spend my life with.

If you’re reading this and you know you’re a vulnerable young woman, I encourage you to speak to someone you trust about your relationships with men or just have a conversation about how you view yourself. My vision of an ‘ideal’ situation would be that you’d turn to the Bible, that you’d have an encounter with the Holy Spirit who’d open your eyes to true love, but that’s not something I ever want to force. If you go away with just one thing, know that you are valued above the most beautifully rare pearl. It doesn’t matter if you’ve made mistakes or compromised your value. The only thing that matters is what you do now. Don’t wait for a man, a feminist movement, a blog (ironically) to tell you that you’re worth something. Know that ‘feminism’, if that’s what you want to call it, can be simple. It starts by winning the internal battle of your own self-worth. Once you conquer the lies that tell you you’re worthless, you will be unstoppable.