Onions Make Me Anxious

I’m not sure whether it’s the mystery of what’s going on in my body

Or the biology that simply aggravates my stomach

But something just makes me feel ‘off’ when I eat them

So most of the time I don’t.

Then there are social occasions where my extroverted self gets a little carried away

And I find myself enjoying the flavoursome food

Only to sit on the toilet a few hours later

Not entirely sure what’s going on. I mean, there’s nothing going on. Just a little sourness and the sense that my body just doesn’t like it.

But I find it helpful to know, so when the attack of the onions approaches I have a diagnosis…

Half the battle is the mystery – it’s not new to me.

So I sit on the toilet: ruminating, scrolling, deflecting the attention from my bowels to my personal reflections

And realise that nothing bad is going to happen.

I should probably avoid onions. Most of the time I do.

And when the frivolous occasion strikes again

I’ll probably feel just as ‘off’ and anxious but at least I know why

And I’ll tell myself it was those blasted onions

And then I’ll be fine.

Sometimes anxiety hits after the occasion,

Sometimes in the midst.

Sometimes it hits before we face the fear

It’s a pretty tricky thing to fix.

So maybe instead of trying to fix or avoid it, we simply acknowledge it for what it is. Maybe, like onions, something simply doesn’t agree with us. Sometimes we do it, sometimes we don’t. There may be occasions where it cannot be avoided. But awareness is half the battle.

We can get through this.

Perspective is like cleaning your glasses or wearing them for the first time. It brings clarity. It stops the eyes from stinging as they water from the metaphorical onion chopping.

My incoherent thoughts and tired, wandering words amount to this: if you know you’re worried for a reason, sometimes that’s enough. Look the beast in the eyes and tell it nothing’s going to happen. You can sit on the toilet or go for a run and the feeling will pass like a fleeting, distant memory. And one day you’ll eat an onion again and know that the feelings can’t overwhelm.