You’re An Imposter

Ladies, gentlemen, millenials. We live in a day and age where photos are contrived, conversations are shallow, success is built around materialism and self-deprecation has become synonymous with honesty and openness. Of course, there are many benefits to interconnectedness like access information on the latest vegan recipes, career advice, fashion tips and the occasional cute baby photo but I know that when I look up from the screen it forces me to reflect on my own journey, my own faith and the life I’ve been completely blessed with.

I often find myself wishing that I had the career of a fellow Instagramer or that I could go on holiday like my family members but if I stop to reflect, I realise that where I am is quite wonderful. It is possible to experience a perspective shift without a change of a circumstances. When I take comparison out of the picture, I realise that I’m just another member of the marathon, pressing on towards the goal and constantly trusting, hoping, believing that as long as I’m moving, I’m growing.

I managed to carve out some time on this sleepy Saturday morning to watch an episode of Victoria. Jenna Coleman captures the Crown’s fierce determination and wavering feelings of incompetence in such a relatable way. During a time of self-doubt and postnatal depression, the call to motherhood and to lead the country felt too great.

Her words were:

“Sometimes I feel as though I’m just pretending to be a mother and be a Queen but really I’m an imposter. I’m just a little girl wearing a crown.”

I couldn’t count on both hands the times I’ve stood in front of a class full of teenagers and felt like a complete imposter. Like a little girl with a badge, a desk and a responsibility that feels too great.

I’ve come to realise that the only time I feel adequate is when I put the phone down, look away from those who seem to be doing a much better job and just focus on my own journey. I want to be inspired by those around me but their success cannot define my own judgement of myself.

So, in contrast to my original thought, I’ve decided that I’m not an imposter. I may feel like an infant in the teaching world but I give myself to permission to put on my blazer, my badge and stand in front of over a hundred teens a week to demonstrate that adults are in fact little girls and little boys with dreams, ambitions, doubts and insecurities, doing our best to reject comparison and press on towards the goal set before us.